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Keep Calm Mother On! with Christy Thomas

Oct 4, 2019

“Listen with your ear, hear with your heart.”

Episode 45

5 Levels of Listening

  • Pretending—Fake listening
  • Selective—Half listening
  • Defensive—Listening to respond
  • Attentive—Actively listening
  • Empathic—Listening with an open heart—it’s wearing their shoes. True acknowledgment of feelings.                                      Not fixing.

Remember feelings are connected to needs.  Positive feelings come from satisfied needs, and negative feelings come from frustrated needs.

Things to try:

Use short phrases like “I see,” “I know,” “Sure,” “Thank you,” or “I understand”

Body language—turn your body towards, nodding, eye contact, leaning forward.


Ask a second question.

“Tell me more” or “I can see/hear you’re very frustrated or upset about this”

“I hear you saying X.  Am I getting that right? Is there more about that?”

“Could you be feeling X because of a need for Y or because you are thinking Y?”


"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen Covey

5th Habit:  Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Books Mentioned Today:

7 Habits of Highly Effective Kids

7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

7 Habits of Highly Effective People



Self-Care: Hold hands on the couch with your spouse, lover, or partner.  Take the time to pretend like you’re 17 or 21 again & dating.  Maybe watch a TV show, music video or movie from that time period too.  J  Nurture your relationship. If it’s healthy, it makes you stronger and better. 


Play Idea:  Nature Crayon Art.  Take blank white sheets of paper and old crayons without wrappers on a walk.  Teach your kids how to make rubbings, lay your piece of paper across a texture that is not flat.  Then start rubbing the crayon across while pressing down on the paper, the pattern underneath should start to appear.  This works great with fallen leaves, tree park, sidewalks, sewer drains, and the bottom of sneakers.  For older kids, send them out and have them create a texture scavenger hunt for you .


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Have an idea? Email me at  or find me on Instagram here or there.


~~Got a road trip or just everyday drives around town?  Use the time well by adding in play.

TEXT “play” to 69922 for this free pdf. 

Want more?  Check out the website!

Want play ideas over email?